


baby, if i could tell you

by jjokkiri



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Flirting, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 18:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14836772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: Hyungwon takes pride in the fact that he knows almost everything about Kihyun and, in turn, Kihyun knows almost everything about him. But, some things are just a little harder to figure out.





	baby, if i could tell you

**Author's Note:**

> _for the lovely jo ♡_ ; happy birthday, darling. i said i wouldn't write anymore hyungki so long as i breathed, after that last one, but you've got a lot of hidden power and muse in you. i hope you have the most amazing day; you deserve nothing less!
> 
> um, please enjoy? ♡
> 
> title taken from _finding hope's 3:00am_

For as long as he could remember, Chae Hyungwon had been friends with Yoo Kihyun. They had known one another since they started walking, and for some crazy reason, they stuck by one another’s side since then. As much as they bickered, and as much as they continued to nag at one another for the silliest reasons, they still continued to stick by one another. And if there was anyone in the world who deserved the title of being his ‘best friend’, then it had to be Kihyun. Simply because there was no one in the world who knew him better than Kihyun; no one who made sure to take care of him in the same way that Kihyun insisted on.

From the moment they learned to walk, they did everything together. If it was possible to do something together, then they were doing everything they could to stick together, simply because being around what was familiar was always better. Growing up, it meant everything to them to be able to stay beside everything familiar.

They started with attending the same schools and doing their best to sit beside one another in every class, then made an effort to join the same clubs and take the same courses to make sure they could spend the most time together. They were inseparable, and they were the best of friends, if Hyungwon allowed himself to take a moment to think about their relationship. Even if their interests differed, they made an effort to support one another. For as long as he could remember, if there was anything Kihyun needed from him, he would drop everything just to do what he could in his power to help. For as long as he could remember, Kihyun was the one person he wouldn’t give up for the world.

After finally graduating high school, though, it took a little bit more effort to constantly be around one another.

Post-graduation, everything was a little bit different for them—a little less familiar, and a little less comfortable. While Hyungwon was passionate about pushing his education a little further and eventually pursuing a career in law, Kihyun decided that wanted nothing more than to settle down with taking over the management of his grandmother’s café. It left Hyungwon a little disheartened, because they wouldn’t be seeing one another as often as they were used to, but Kihyun insisted (over the entire summer after their graduation) that Hyungwon could always visit him at the café to do his homework, and support the growing business, if he made it into his first-choice university.

And, luckily for the both of them, Hyungwon really did end up making it into his first-choice university.

(The day he received his acceptance letter was an exciting day filled with tight hugs, words of praise and promises that they would go out together to celebrate the amazing feat. That day, Kihyun ran into his arms and squeezed him in the tightest hug he’d ever received in his entire life; “I never doubted for a second that you would make it,” Kihyun told him, grinning—and maybe, Hyungwon’s heart skipped a beat, at the sight of Kihyun’s brilliant smile.)

And, alike to his promise to Kihyun, he really does end up spending a majority of his time at the café. When he wasn’t busy with attending his lectures or taking stressful exams, he was doing his homework in the café, sitting in a quaint corner practically dedicated to him.

It was funny how that happened. Kihyun always laughed, when he mentioned it, but they were both aware of the way customers seemed to avoid the seat in the corner of the café—the one closest to the staff entrance to the kitchen.

Even when the café was busy, there was some type of unspoken rule between the regular customers that the table in the corner near the staff entrance belonged to the tall law student, who spent most of his time burying his face into a thick textbook. He never spoke to anyone in the café, outside of Kihyun, but everyone knew him, anyway.

Kihyun was sweet to him—always was. He made an effort to bring out some snacks for a busily studying Hyungwon. Sometimes, the cheeky grey-haired man ran away without accepting payments; other times, he mischievously grinned and scribbled a tab for Hyungwon. In good nature, Hyungwon would roll his eyes at him and accept the treats Kihyun insisted on feeding him. Kihyun accepted being treated out to lunch, or a simple ice cream cone, as payment for those days, luckily; a broke university student didn’t have very much to offer in the financial aspect, anyway.

He took pride in the fact that there was very little he didn’t know about Kihyun and, in turn, there was very little Kihyun didn’t know about him. It might have been a given fact that they would know one another so well, considering they grew up with one another. It would be typical to expect a similar relationship between friends who have known one another for what was basically their entire lives.

But, as much as he knew about Kihyun, Hyungwon couldn’t figure out the little things about himself. There were a handful of things he still couldn’t work out—he could count his problems on a single hand, because he was lucky enough to have everything else in his life line up properly.

He prided himself in being able to solve most, if not all, of his problems by himself. Still, though, he couldn’t seem to work out when he started looking at his best friend and suddenly thinking that his heartbeat might have been moving a little faster than what he was used to. Kihyun was Kihyun, and there wasn’t anything about him that should trigger the funny little butterflies to burst in the pit of Hyungwon’s stomach (if it wasn’t all his imagination, of course).

Even now, as he was absently copying out his notes from his textbook, there was a familiar fluttering feeling in his chest as he watched Kihyun flitter around the café with trays of snacks for the customers. The older man carried himself with a bright, kind smile as he ran orders across the café. It was such a simple task—a part of Kihyun’s daily tasks—but, Hyungwon still found himself watching him, as if it was one of the most interesting things (as if he didn’t watch Kihyun run around like this, every single day).

And when Kihyun glanced in his direction, Hyungwon promptly averted his eyes, pretending to space out—pretending he hadn’t been staring at the older man. (But, if he stared a little longer, then he might have caught the small smile on Kihyun’s lips, when his eyes fixed on him.)

It seemed, however, that Hyungwon couldn’t keep his attention off Kihyun for too long. Whether intentionally or not, Kihyun always seemed to pull his attention back to him—that was another thing Hyungwon couldn’t figure out.

“You look like you need a break,” Kihyun remarked, pulling out the chair in front of Hyungwon and taking a seat. The grey-haired man’s lips pulled into an amused smile, as he rested his chin in his palm, elbow on the table.

Hyungwon looked up—he hadn’t noticed Kihyun heading over to him.

The older man’s hair was a mess, but he looked bright, despite it. There was a small smear of what looked like powdered sugar on his cheek. Hyungwon instinctively reached forward to wipe it away from his face, with his thumb. Kihyun’s eyes followed his hand, surprise colouring his expression for a brief moment.

A moment passed them, where Hyungwon froze, suddenly unsure of his instinctive reaction to wipe the sugar away from Kihyun’s cheek. But, if Kihyun found it strange in any way, then he didn’t say anything about it.

“Don’t you have customers to serve?” he asked. Kihyun scoffed at him, turning to look away.

“I deserve a break, sometimes, too,” he replied. Then, with a small smile, Kihyun tilted his head and gestured behind him to where his part-timer was ringing up a purchase at the cash register, “Don’t worry. Jooheon’s got it all covered for now. We’re not that busy, right now.”

Hyungwon’s eyes scanned the café. _Kihyun was right;_ it’d gotten a lot less busy, since the last time he tore his eyes away from his textbook (and Kihyun) long enough to scan his surroundings. He nodded his head, absently. Kihyun shifted in his seat, moving to sit at the edge of the chair, leaning forward and keeping his weight on the table.

“I wanted to check up on you, since you’ve had your face buried into that same textbook for the past three days.”

For a split second, Hyungwon looked surprised. He blinked, “You’ve noticed?”

Kihyun laughed, “Of course, I have. You only have one blue textbook, after all.”

Hyungwon shook his head, chuckling softly. _He should have known._

“I’ve got an exam, soon,” he explained. Kihyun nodded his head, thoughtfully; “I’ve been studying for it, so I’ve just been doing stuff out of this one textbook. I think I’m studying a little too much, though. I know my stuff.”

 _“So smart,”_ Kihyun crooned, playfully. There was a glimmer in Kihyun’s eyes—that familiar shine from when he’d expressed how proud of Hyungwon he was for being accepted into his first-choice university, two years ago. The grey-haired man reached over the table, nudging him gently. “Want me to bring you a cupcake, smart cookie?”

Hyungwon ran his fingers through his dark red locks, a sheepish smile on his lips.

“Can I get a muffin, instead?”

 

 

 

“I’ve got a delivery for Mr. Chae,” a familiar voice called from behind him, when he was seated outside of his examination room, cramming whatever he could read from his notes just barely an hour before his scheduled examination. A paper bag was placed onto the table in front of him. Hyungwon looked up from his notes, surprised to be interrupted. The red-haired man turned his head, only to meet with the familiar, friendly face of Lee Jooheon, another student at the same university (and Kihyun’s sweet part-timer).

“I didn’t order anything,” Hyungwon frowned, looking at the white-haired man with a confused gaze.

Jooheon shrugged his shoulders, nudging the paper bag closer to Hyungwon.

“I know you didn’t,” he replied. “But, I also know that you don’t have a lunch, because you’re too dumb to pack one, when you have an exam. It’s better to write an exam on a full stomach, you know?”

Smile on his lips, Hyungwon shook his head; a mixture of mild disbelief and amusement. _As expected of Jooheon._

“This is the third time you’ve brought me food before my exam, Jooheon,” Hyungwon remarked, reaching for the bag. “How do you always know that I don’t have food?”

They weren’t very close to one another—Hyungwon barely had the chance to speak to Jooheon. They spoke to one another several times, when Hyungwon stayed at the café after school and Jooheon was working longer hours, but it was rare for them to initiate conversation with one another outside of that. Other than that, it seemed that Jooheon only spoke to him when he was insistent in delivering a meal to Hyungwon, who never brought a lunch to his exams.

(It was funny that Hyungwon’s exams always seemed to overlap with Jooheon’s working hours, but the younger man continuously ended up bringing him meals, neatly packaged in small paper bags labelled with the café’s logo. The café didn’t do deliveries, but it seemed Hyungwon was an exception to that rule.)

“Don’t you think that if you’ve done it twice in a row, now, that I would think it’s a common thing?” Jooheon asked, “Plus, you might have developed a reliance on me to bring you food before your exams, at this point.”

Hyungwon snorted, “Well, what about the first time? How did you know?”

Jooheon chuckled, shaking his head, “I didn’t. Kihyun hyung sent me.”

“Kihyun sent you?”

“Yeah,” Jooheon replied, shifting his weight onto his left leg and shrugging his shoulders, nonchalantly. “You know, that first time? He told me to tell you that you were an idiot, actually. But, I didn’t deliver that message, because I thought telling you that you were an idiot before your exam was a bad idea.”

“Sounds just like him,” Hyungwon remarked, shaking his head. Jooheon flashed him a grin. The white-haired man gestured to the paper bag in front of Hyungwon.

“I have to go back to the café, soon. Kihyun hyung is waiting for me to come back, before he starts icing the cupcakes, so someone is attending to the customers at the cash register,” Jooheon said, glancing at his watch and then at Hyungwon. “Isn’t your exam in, like, half an hour?”

“You should eat, while it’s still hot. Kihyun hyung just took it out of the oven, before he gave it to me,” Jooheon told him. Hyungwon nodded his head, glancing at the clock mounted on the wall behind Jooheon.

“He’ll get mad, if you don’t eat before I leave,” Jooheon added. “And, if you don’t actually eat it, right now, then, at the very least, take it out and let me snap a proof photo, before I go back to the café.”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon replied, “I probably have time to eat, depending on what he gave me.”

“It’s bread and soup, or something like that. That’s what the café smelled like, at least,” Jooheon told him. The younger man chuckled, pulling his phone out of his pocket, “Come on and give me a chance to be the employee of the month.”

“You’re his only employee,” Hyungwon replied. Jooheon winked, playfully.

“I know.”

“So, you’re going to get it, anyway. You know you’re his favourite.”

“Favourite employee, maybe,” Jooheon answered, pursing his lips. The younger man almost seemed to be holding back a mischievous smile to accompany his statement, but if Hyungwon noticed, then he didn’t react to it.

“Kihyun’s the best, isn’t he?” Hyungwon chuckled, shaking his head and peering into the paper bag. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, pleased, at the sight of the packaged food in the bag. He glanced at Jooheon, smiling, “Get you a best friend like this, right?”

The white-haired man pursed his lips, nodding his head. But, there was something in Jooheon’s eyes which seemed to glimmer as if he was resisting the urge to say something more. Jooheon visibly decided against speaking up, however, and Hyungwon didn’t bother to ask him about it.

Jooheon flashed him a close-mouthed smile, pocketing his phone and the saved snapshot, “Good luck on your exam.”

 

 

 

Even when he was busy and had no reason to see Kihyun, he still made an effort to see the older man. Whether by instinct or intentionally seeking out Kihyun, Hyungwon always found himself at the café, even after long, busy days. Even when he wrote long exams and finished in the middle of the day, he still made sure to drop by the café. Sometimes, he’d stick around for the entire day—sit there for hours, even when he knew that Kihyun was busy and wouldn’t have any time to entertain him, until closing hours. And no matter how long he’d have to sit there, Hyungwon stayed.

Today’s schedule had an early exam for him. The schedule for today _also_ coincidentally had some time for him to hang out in the café and watch Kihyun work for hours.

After his exam, he walked into the café with his backpack slung over his shoulder and sat down in his usual spot. Kihyun was clearly surprised to see him, but the busy café prevented them from conversing. Kihyun had customers to tend to. On busy days, Kihyun never expected Hyungwon to show up the in the café, no matter how frequently it happened. The older man was insistent that Hyungwon should head home and nap, after his exams; get some rest. But, Hyungwon never listened to him, anyway. It seemed, however, Kihyun never learned.

He dug his phone charger out of his bag and plugged it into the wall; Hyungwon stayed the entire day.

(He flashed Kihyun encouraging smiles throughout the day, as he played random games on his phone.)

Kihyun looked exhausted by the time the café’s closing hour rolled around. Still, the older man kept on his brightest smile for the last guest—an elderly man; a regular—to leave the shop. The grey-haired man flipped the sign on the door to the ‘closed’ side, when the elderly man left. Then, he was headed over to where Hyungwon was seated in the corner of the café, watching him with an amused smile.

“You couldn’t have helped me, if you were going to stick around all day?” Kihyun asked, an underlying note of playfulness in his tone. Hyungwon grinned.

“I don’t work here,” he replied, chuckling. Hyungwon locked his phone, shoving it into his pocket and standing up. The grey-haired man rolled his eyes, throwing a rag from the counter to Hyungwon’s hands. He caught it.

“I’m hiring you for tonight,” he retorted, shooting Hyungwon a look. The younger man chuckled. Kihyun crossed his arms over his chest, “Help me wipe down the counters and clean up, a little. I’m tired.”

Hyungwon grinned, “What would you do without me?”

Kihyun rolled his eyes, again, jabbing Hyungwon in the side with his fingers. “Live a happy life free from a pounding headache, who stands in the form of a one-eighty-one centimetre tower, probably.”

Hyungwon began to wipe down the nearest counter, despite Kihyun’s playful jab. But, his reaction was almost a little too natural—instinctive—the red-haired man smacked Kihyun’s shoulder, frowning, “That’s mean.”

“And that’s not clean,” Kihyun replied, pointing to the counter Hyungwon just wiped down. _“Do better, bestie.”_

With a laugh, Hyungwon shook his head in disbelief. But, despite his reaction, the younger man diligently helped Kihyun clean up the café. He was careful when he wiped down the glass displays, while Kihyun totalled up the cash in the register. Jooheon wasn’t scheduled to work for the day—Kihyun always seemed to struggle a little without the young man’s help. Jooheon was a great asset to the café. When he was around, the exhaustion in Kihyun’s eyes at the end of every day didn’t seem to practically radiate across his pretty features.

With Jooheon around, it was easier for Kihyun to manage the café.

Looking at Kihyun, now, Hyungwon wished he had a little bit more time to stop by the café and help his best friend out. While Kihyun had everything under control, when he’d initially taken over the café, the café had become a lot more popular in the recent years. That popularity was the reason Kihyun hired Jooheon and now, without his help, it was harder. But, Hyungwon knew that Kihyun would deny the help, if he offered; Kihyun was always so insistent that Hyungwon needed to focus on himself, first.

Kihyun was the one to break the silence between them, when he finished counting the money, and picked up the broom behind the counter. The grey-haired man leaned against the broom, peering at Hyungwon, in silence. The younger man’s attention slowly drifted to Kihyun, feeling the older man’s eyes on him—or, maybe, his eyes just naturally found themselves to Kihyun’s.

“Why did you stay here all day?” Kihyun asked, pursing his lips into a small frown. “You wrote an exam, today, didn’t you? Why didn’t you just go home and get some rest? You didn’t have to stay here with me.”

Hyungwon shrugged, tearing his eyes away from Kihyun’s and focused on finishing scrubbing the small icing stain on the counter away, “I just wanted to.”

“But, why?”

“You ask too many questions,” Hyungwon replied. Kihyun frowned. Hyungwon grinned, approaching him and swiping the broom away from him. “You’re tired. Sit down for a bit. I’ll do it.”

“What’s this?” Kihyun started, feigning a shocked gasp. “Chae Hyungwon is voluntarily doing chores for me?”

“You act like I never do this,” Hyungwon said. Kihyun snorted.

“Because you don’t.”

Pausing, Hyungwon bit down on his lip in a moment of embarrassment. _Kihyun wasn’t exactly wrong._

“You looked tired, today,” he replied, running his tongue across the back of his upper row of teeth. Kihyun arched an eyebrow at him, “And, I just want you to have some rest.”

Kihyun made to speak, but Hyungwon cut him off before he could begin, catching onto the way the older man’s lips curled into a wickedly smothering grin. He wasn’t about to listen to Kihyun croon about how he _knew_ Hyungwon cared for him. (As much as it was true.)

Hyungwon made excuses.

“Plus, Jooheon isn’t around, so I’m going to try and nab that _‘employee of the month’_ from him, while I can.”

Kihyun snorted, again, “You’re not taking it from him. He’d never let that happen.”

Even Hyungwon knew that Jooheon would never give up the title, but the teasing remark had Kihyun’s lips curling into a small smile. It triggered a small part of Hyungwon’s mind to mentally declare that he’d do anything to see that kind of amusement glimmering in Kihyun’s eyes, again. (Kihyun always looked prettiest when he was smiling.)

Turning away from Kihyun to calm his racing heart for a moment, Hyungwon focused on sweeping the floors. Kihyun watched him, leaning against the counter with his cheek rested in his hand, elbow against the table. They don’t talk for the rest of the time that they spend cleaning up the café. Kihyun hummed a tune as he watched Hyungwon, and the younger man diligently swept the floors. Without their casual conversation and laughter, the café’s cleaning session was spent in silence; the peaceful, comfortable silence of being in one another’s presence.

Then, they leave together.

Hyungwon picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. The taller man draped his jacket over his arm—his pullover hoodie would keep him warm in the dipping temperatures of the evening.

He waited by the door as Kihyun left to change his shoes in the back of the café. Leaning against the glass door of the café, Hyungwon couldn’t help but think to himself about why he put in the effort to spend so much time with Kihyun. They were independent people—Kihyun didn’t need him to hang around him, all day. They were perfectly functional without one another, best friends or not.

(Still, it was likely more associated with the fact that he _wanted_ to see Kihyun, rather than anything else.)

Kihyun jolted him out of his thoughts, when he returned to his side and nudged him in the side with a playful smile.

“What’s got you so deep in thought?” Kihyun asked, grinning. Hyungwon glanced down at him, pursing his lips in a brief moment of thought. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, shaking his head.

“No, nothing,” he replied, “Don’t worry about it. I’m just thinking about stuff—school, I guess.”

Kihyun made a face, “You’re always all about school.” A pause. “Not that it’s a bad thing, of course.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes, “I’m at the top of my class. That’s all I can think about.”

“No time for anything else?” Kihyun teased, “Not even for any cute boys at school?”

For a brief moment, Hyungwon paused. His eyes flickered over to Kihyun, studying him for a split second, before he cleared his throat and shook his head, “There are no cute boys at school.”

Kihyun laughed at that.

(And if Hyungwon dared to look at Kihyun in that moment, then maybe, he might have caught the glimmer of relief in Kihyun’s eyes; barely noticeable, it sparkled for a second too short.)

The older man changed the subject.

“You never told me why you stayed, all day,” Kihyun reminded him, when he locked the door of the café behind them. The older man slipped the key into his pocket, pursing his lips as he glanced up at Hyungwon.

“I said you asked too many questions,” Hyungwon replied.

“That’s not a proper answer,” Kihyun said, “Why is it so hard to answer it? Isn’t it a simple question? You should have gone home and got some rest, you idiot—!”

Hyungwon shrugged, throwing his jacket over Kihyun’s shoulders, not bothering to listen to anymore of his complaints. Kihyun immediately hushed, blinking in confusion as the warmth of Hyungwon’s jacket fell over his shoulders. The taller man’s lips curled into a small smile and he stopped for a moment, regarding the way Kihyun looked so tiny, wrapped up in his jacket. His heart skipped a beat. He pushed himself to ignore it.

“I just wanted to walk you home,” he replied, quietly. Kihyun looked up, surprised. Hyungwon flashed a small smile in the older man’s direction, “You know, just like when we were kids?”

The small smile on Hyungwon’s lips was mirrored on Kihyun’s face. The grey-haired man chuckled, softly.

“You’re cute.”

(Hyungwon’s heart stopped.)

 

 

 

“Kihyun hyung told me that you walked him home, a couple nights ago,” Jooheon’s voice came from behind him. Then, the younger man was standing in front of him, placing his tray of food down on the table across from Hyungwon. It seemed the white-haired man didn’t have very many friends on campus, because he was always flittering around Hyungwon, when he had the chance (or maybe he simply enjoyed Hyungwon’s company). “Do you mind if I sit?”

Hyungwon chuckled, good-natured, “You’re already sitting.”

Jooheon beamed, “Perfect.”

“Why did Kihyun tell you that I walked him home?” Hyungwon asked, raising an eyebrow. The red-haired man ran slender fingers through his hair, pursing his lips in confusion, “It’s not anything new.”

Jooheon laughed, “He was really excited about it.”

“He was excited about me walking him home?” Hyungwon furrowed his brows.

The white-haired man shrugged his shoulders, popping a fry into his mouth. He tilted his head.

“He seemed really excited about it,” he replied, “He was happy for the entire day. Don’t know if that was entirely because of you or not, but he practically sang my name every time he needed me for something. It’s been a _very_ _long_ time since he’s done that, y’know.”

“All I did was walk him home,” Hyungwon repeated. But, despite his own words, he couldn’t help the small smile curling at the edges of his lips at the simple thought of being the reason Kihyun had been happy for an entire day. A greedy part of his mind whispered at him; an insistence that he wished it happened more often.

“Surely made a difference in his day,” Jooheon told him. There was a glimmer of amusement in Jooheon’s eyes. “He’s always so happy when he talks about you. I’m really not surprised that something so simple would make his entire day—I’m surprised he hasn’t been excited about it for the entire week.”

“Why would he be excited about it for the entire week?” Hyungwon asked, furrowing his brows a little with a chuckle. _Kihyun was entirely too adorable, sometimes._ He’d never have the guts to admit it to the older man’s face but, maybe, that was always the same thought on his mind, when he looked in Kihyun’s direction.

“You look like you’re about to burst with happiness, just because I told you he was happy thinking about you,” Jooheon remarked. The younger man grinned, innocently tilting his head. Hyungwon’s cheeks flushed and he cleared his throat, shaking his mind of the thoughts about Kihyun. He ran his fingers through his hair, slightly flustered.

“What kind of nonsense are you talking about?”

“Nonsense?” Jooheon chuckled, “Is being happy because your best friend is happy a bad thing?”

Hyungwon paused, lips parting as his mind rushed to find an argument. He might have brushed it off—might have been able to pretend his mind didn’t move to a place he’d pushed away—but, Jooheon caught on a little too quickly.

(Or maybe, Jooheon has always known something that he didn’t know about him. Maybe, Jooheon has always known something about him that even Kihyun didn’t know.)

“Well!” he started, shifting his eyes to the side. Jooheon waited, amusement flickering in his eyes.

 _“Well?”_ Jooheon pressed. Hyungwon pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, unsure of how to continue. “What about what I said was so nonsensical? Did your mind go somewhere else, hyung?”

Hyungwon swallowed. He couldn’t figure out what had him on such an edge. The younger man was striking simple conversation with him, and he wouldn’t be so defensive, if his conscious weren’t aware of something he didn’t want to admit aloud. The red-haired man cleared his throat, eyes refusing to meet with Jooheon’s.

“What are you implying?”

“Hyung,” Jooheon started, resting his cheek in his palm. “I’m just saying…”

Jooheon seemed to trail off. For a moment, the younger man’s eyes flickered with considered—unsure of if he should be the one to say something about Hyungwon’s reaction to his simple words. It might have been a stretch, but Jooheon threw his caution to the wind; surely, it wouldn’t hurt to suggest a simple idea.

“As much as it would be great for everyone to always be happy, people don’t get so unreasonably happy for no reason, whether apparent to you or not,” Jooheon said. The white-haired man studied Hyungwon’s expression for a long moment, before he exhaled softly, “Maybe, you like him. Have you ever thought about that?”

(And again, Hyungwon’s heart stopped.)

 

 

 

In the following days, it seemed that Jooheon’s simple suggestion weighed heavier on his mind than it would, had it not been true. He found himself consciously acknowledging Jooheon’s remark, when he glanced in Kihyun’s direction. It took nothing for him to look at Kihyun for a moment, and focus his eyes on the pretty curve of the older man’s lips into a sweet smile. It took absolutely no effort for him to simply look at Yoo Kihyun and think: _‘he’s breathtaking’_.

The thoughts might have been lingering on his mind for quite some time, because it felt so natural for the thoughts to surface, when he looked at Kihyun. Perhaps, this was the something he’d never realized about himself; that something that always had been there, despite his refusal to truly acknowledge it. It seemed, however, that all it took was for someone else to suggest a name to everything he felt towards Kihyun for him to realize it was true.

But, with realized feelings and a suddenly shyer heart came hesitance and insecurity.

Kihyun picked up on the sudden distance Hyungwon subconsciously put between them a little too quickly.

And as per typical Yoo Kihyun fashion, the older man inquired about it.

“You’ve been acting a little bit weird, recently,” Kihyun remarked, when they were sitting beside one another on the sofa in Kihyun’s apartment. It was a Sunday—Kihyun closed the café early on Sundays, and they headed to his place to watch bad movies, as per tradition from their high school breaks. The movie played in the background as white noise, as Kihyun picked absently at the bowl of popcorn in front of them.

Hyungwon froze, eyes focused on the way Kihyun’s popped popcorn into his mouth and dropped back into the bowl. He snapped out of his thoughts, when Kihyun spoke, mind dragging itself far away from the thoughts of pretending to reach into the bowl at the same time as the older man to let their fingertips brush. He had to blink several times to bring himself back to reality and register Kihyun’s words.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’ve been acting strange,” Kihyun repeated. “Is everything okay?”

Hyungwon swallowed, shifting a little uncomfortably. Everything was fine, he supposed (aside from the fact that he thought a little too hard about the way their thighs pressed against one another as a result of their close proximity).

“I— _I think so?_ ” Hyungwon replied. He paused, clearing his throat, “I mean—everything’s fine.”

Kihyun frowned, “You’re doing it again.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re brushing it off,” Kihyun told him. “You’re pretending you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

He could see Kihyun reaching for the remote control to pause the movie, just to turn and seriously discuss Hyungwon’s behaviour with him. But, he decided against it at the last moment. Hyungwon couldn’t read Kihyun’s mind, but perhaps, he knew enough about Kihyun to know that the older man could foresee the potential for too much awkwardness in the air, if everything were suddenly silent. He played with the device in his hands, sighing softly.

“You’ve only acted like this once before,” Kihyun said, when Hyungwon couldn’t find the words to reply to him. “In seventh grade, when you accidentally broke my handmade gift to you and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me.”

Kihyun shifted on the sofa, glancing at him. Something in the older man’s eyes seemed to glimmer— _something alike to nerves_. Hyungwon couldn’t place his finger on it, though. “You know, back then, you told me that everything was fine, too. You kept it from me for months, until you couldn’t take it anymore. And then you wouldn’t stop apologizing to me for an entire week, after all of that went down.”

“Life was great when we were kids, you know,” Kihyun continued, “But, that’s a specific part of our relationship I don’t want to relive. You ignored me for an entire week, just because you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me something. I had to learn what it was like to be without my best friend, and I see you doing _that_ all over again.

“You’re hiding something from me,” the grey-haired man exhaled, “I won’t make you tell me what it is, if you don’t want to, but… I just don’t want you to start ignoring me, again.”

Hyungwon remained silent, unable to piece together the words to explain himself. Kihyun took note of the tension in the air and he forced himself to chuckle softly at the situation before them. Then, jokingly, he glanced up at the younger man with a playful smile, “Did you break something, again?”

Despite his joking tone, though, Hyungwon could tell that he was just trying to lighten the mood.

The red-haired man swallowed, hard. They were suddenly so close to one another—Kihyun looking at him, earnestly searching for an answer Hyungwon wasn’t really willing to speak aloud; searching for something Hyungwon couldn’t properly work out the answer to, just yet.

And, even in the dim light, Kihyun’s eyes seemed to twinkle with a pretty glow. His features were illuminated with the flickering lights from the television, and Hyungwon found himself becoming too aware of their proximity—too aware of the fact that he could wrap his arms around the older man’s waist, and lean in just a little to kiss him.

Hyungwon forced the thoughts away.

“No,” he replied, voice cracking a little. Kihyun’s brows furrowed at little bit, and Hyungwon tore his eyes away from the grey-haired man’s face. “No, don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine, I promise.”

(Hyungwon didn’t look at Kihyun long enough to see the way the older man’s expression suddenly dropped, marring his pretty features with something a little too close to heartbreak.

And he didn’t dare to look at him in the eyes for the rest of the night.)

 

 

 

For the second time in their lives, they physically grew apart.

Something about the awkwardness in the air when he consciously knew that he was acting strange about Kihyun pulled him away from the older man. He managed to catch Kihyun’s eye, somewhere in the middle of his studying sessions, but the older man resisted the urge to approach him, when he sat in the café to study. He left that responsibility to Jooheon, who glanced between Hyungwon and his boss with concern.

Hyungwon made an effort to sit in a different corner of the café, away from the usual corner he usually kept occupied.

Jooheon brought him his orders of muffins and lemon iced tea with frowns on his face. It was almost as if he were anticipating some sort of explanation as to why the world’s closest best friends were suddenly so physically far from one another, despite being so close. But, Hyungwon couldn’t provide him with that explanation, when he couldn’t really work out why he was acting so strange around Kihyun, when it would be so much easier to _tell him the truth._

And, at the same time that Jooheon seemed curious about the sudden change in the dynamic of their relationship, the younger man seemed hesitant to approach Hyungwon and ask about it.

A part of the red-haired man was grateful for Jooheon’s hesitance, because he wouldn’t be able to explain himself. After realizing the implications of his feelings for Kihyun, it was significantly harder to string his words together, when he was speaking of the older man.

He pretended it didn’t hurt, when he watched Jooheon whisper in Kihyun’s ear and make him smile a little. There was nothing between them, that much he knew, but it still hurt him to know that he could still be making Kihyun smile, if he just steeled his nerves and spoke up about his feelings, instead of nervously dancing around them.

Yet, while he stayed so close to Kihyun—stayed in the café, where he was so infinitely comfortable—they’d never been so emotionally separated from one another.

Still, Hyungwon didn’t know how he would ever manage to express his feelings for Kihyun into words. And, while silence wasn’t the best answer for a situation like this, Hyungwon didn’t know how to begin.

So, holding it all to himself, Hyungwon kept his head buried in his textbook.

It was easier to try and think about something else.

 

 

 

_“Hyungwon?”_

Kihyun’s voice was soft, a little unsure. Despite having avoided the older man for days, Hyungwon found himself immediately responding to the gentle was Kihyun called his name. (There was that familiar sound in Kihyun’s voice that made him feel the need to drop everything at once to help.) He looked up to where the grey-haired man was peeking his head out from the kitchen entrance, eyes softening at the somewhat helpless expression on his face.

He waited for Kihyun to speak. The older man’s fingers gripped into the door and he flashed a sheepish smile at the red-haired man. Kihyun practically clung to the door, as if too shy to actually ask for help. Hyungwon blinked.

“Can you come to the kitchen for a second?” Kihyun asked, quietly.

The café was practically empty, Hyungwon realized. They were the only ones there. Jooheon was in a lecture, and there wasn’t anyone else visiting the café at this time. The younger man glanced at his watch, before nodding his head and getting up. He followed Kihyun into the kitchen, leaving his books open on the table—no one would touch his stuff, if they came into the café, anyway. He wasn’t worried.

“What do you need?” Hyungwon asked as the door fell shut behind them.

Kihyun wasn’t facing him, but the younger man could see the way that the tips of Kihyun’s ears seemed to colour with embarrassment. The grey-haired man cleared his throat, eyes shifting.

“We’re a little understaffed, right now,” Kihyun started, shoving his hands into the pocket of his apron. _That simply meant that Jooheon wasn’t working, and Kihyun needed Jooheon for something—probably important._ “And…”

The older man looked up at a cupboard. Hyungwon followed his eyes.

“… You can’t reach the sugar?” he asked.

“Don’t say it like that,” Kihyun chided. Hyungwon lips pulled into an amused smirk.

Suddenly, it almost felt like everything between the both of them was normal again. It felt as if Hyungwon never started avoiding him in the first place. Something about the way Kihyun promptly responded to the remark was _so Kihyun_ and Hyungwon couldn’t help the amused grin on his lips. The younger man shook his head, chuckling.

No matter what the inexplicable feelings between them were, Kihyun was Kihyun, and that wouldn’t ever change. _This was his best friend._ Hyungwon’s thoughts ran through his head, and slowly, the smile on his lips grew.

He’d find the words to tell Kihyun how he felt, someday, but in the meantime, they were the same as ever. There wasn’t a real point in avoiding the older man, he realized.

“So, do you want me to get it for you or not?” Hyungwon asked, tone bordering on teasing. The older man rolled his eyes, waving his hands in a shooing motion towards the cupboard. Hyungwon laughed.

Reaching for the sugar was easy—he easily grabbed what was just a little too high up for Kihyun. And he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face when he turned around to hand the bag of sugar to Kihyun. Their eyes met, when Hyungwon turned around. And for a split second, it seemed as if Kihyun was surprised to have been caught staring.

Hyungwon hesitated for a moment, taking a moment to process the look in Kihyun’s eyes, as he placed the bag of sugar onto the counter. Kihyun recovered, quickly (a million times faster than Hyungwon ever would, if he was caught).

“What are you looking at?” Hyungwon asked, eyes searching Kihyun’s. The grey-haired man’s eyes seemed to glitter with amusement, and his lips tugged into a small smile. Kihyun tilted his head, hands slipping into the pockets of his apron. He took a step forward. There was a sudden spark of nerves bubbling in Hyungwon’s stomach.

“You,” Kihyun replied, simply. Hyungwon blinked.

“Me?” Hyungwon repeated, surprised. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Kihyun took another step forward, the smile never leaving his lips. Hyungwon blinked rapidly at his best friend. Kihyun clasped his hands together, inside his pocket, amusement only growing in the smile on his lips.

“Just because,” Kihyun answered. “You’re so clueless.”

Hyungwon frowned, “Why am _I_ the clueless one? Why is it me, when you’re—?”

Kihyun cut him off, halting right in front of Hyungwon.

“When I’m what?” he challenged, caging the taller man against the counter between his arms. If he reached a hand out, he could have easily wrap his arm around Kihyun’s waist and pulled him closer. He didn’t.

Slowly, Kihyun got closer to him; fingers curling into the collar of his shirt and tugging him down to close their height difference. Hyungwon’s heart raced in his chest, eyes wide as he looked down at the older man.

Kihyun’s eyes gleamed, a pretty twinkle suddenly catching Hyungwon’s attention and stealing his focus away.

Kihyun seemed to take the momentary distraction as a chance because, in that brief moment, he stepped onto the tips of his toes, fingers curling tighter into the material of Hyungwon’s shirt, to kiss him. The grey-haired man’s lips were soft against his—Kihyun tasted of a sweet hint of vanilla and something _so Kihyun._ Hyungwon suddenly felt the need to act on a greedy instinct to wrap his arms around Kihyun and pull him closer; to kiss him longer and slower.

But, he was gone so much quicker than Hyungwon could have hoped. He didn’t act on the urge to pull Kihyun back to him, still too shocked to process the situation before him.

The grip of Kihyun’s fingers on his shirt loosened. Kihyun pulled away from him, exhaling softly and letting him relish in the tingling feeling of soft lips having just pressed against his own. The older man licked his lips, eyes fiery with a challenging taunt, “What am I clueless about?”

Hyungwon could only manage a soft, stupid murmur; “ _Oh_.”

A satisfied grin crossed Kihyun’s expression. The older man crossed his arms over his chest, seemingly proud with his decision to suddenly kiss Hyungwon. The younger man’s lips still tingled with the fluttery sensation of Kihyun’s lips against his, and his heart still pounded in his chest, the shock barely having escaped him.

“I like you, too,” Kihyun told him, playing with the edge of his apron. “But, you never said anything.”

Hyungwon’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment and he shifted his eyes, “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Wouldn’t you just tell me the same way you told me everything else?” Kihyun suggested, moving over to the mixer on the counter, as if he hadn’t just confessed his feelings to his best friend (all too casually). The grey-haired man glanced towards Hyungwon over his shoulder, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, as he opened the bag of sugar with a sweet smile on his lips, “You know, just like when we were kids?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way,” Hyungwon managed to say, chewing on his lower lip.

Kihyun shook his head, laughing, “But, I do.”

“But, what if you didn’t?”

“What matters is that I do,” Kihyun told him, shrugging his shoulders. The older man turned his head back to the sugar mixture in his mixing bowl, chuckling, “So, are you going to ask me out, or do I have to do that, too?”

Flustered, Hyungwon cleared his throat behind his fist and shifted his eyes, nervously. The red-haired man fiddled with his fingers, staring down at the ground in front of him, _“Um.”_

Kihyun arched an eyebrow, not looking at Hyungwon, “Mhmm?”

“Kihyun, will… _will you be my boyfriend?_ ”

Kihyun’s lips tugged into a small smile—that pretty smile which always had Hyungwon’s heart skipping a beat—and he looked at Hyungwon. He rested his elbows on the counter, palm under his chin, smiling. There was a glimmer of a love-struck kind of adoration in his eyes, and softly, he called out to the taller man.

“Hyungwon,” he called. Hyungwon looked at him, eyes meeting with Kihyun’s, again. He held his breath.

“Yeah?”

That love-struck glimmer in the grey-haired man’s eyes seemed to brighten.

Kihyun sighed, softly; _happily,_ “You’re so stupid.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always, you can find me on twitter @yuseokki! ♡ comments and kudos are loved uwu


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